Last night my little guys spent their 1st night away from home. They had a sleepover at their Grandparents. Of course I was worried, my little one still gets up every night to get me. He still likes the light on in the hall and likes to cuddle before bed. No phone calls came in the middle of the night ( much to my surprise ). I actually slept in my own bed and even slept in for the 1st time in 7 years!!! Needless to say I am more tired than ever! My guys called me this morning to say they had a great time and had some more playing to do. I was so proud , but I must admit my heart twisted a bit..... I guess I was expecting them to need me more. I guess I needed them to need me more. I have defined myself as a mother for so long that once your babies start to let go ..... it is a bit scary. I know that they love me and still need me but I am realizing that I need them so much more . It is hard to let go a bit and stand alone. We see the images of kids going to school for the 1st time and being fearful and wanting to stay back and hold on to their mothers hand a bit longer. Really I think the kids are o.k., it is me that needs to hold on a bit longer . I heard once that parents have a different love for their kids than their kids have for them. It is true. Yes , I am a mother , but I am so much more and it is time to let go of the hand and wave goodbye to the fear . It is time to go to school.
I realize that this is all about a simple sleepover, however all the mothers out there understand. It is in the tiny moments that we realize who we really are.
To all mothers letting go , have a great 1st day!!!! Courtney P.